Know thyself

If there if one thing I avoid photographing, it is self portraits. Whether it is because of the selfie flood around, the fact that I don't particularly like how I look or simply because it requires a different way of working with the camera, I usually don't turn the camera on myself .

And this worked fine.....until I realized that self portraits are exactly what is needed for a new personal project I started to work on. After ignoring this thought for a couple of weeks, this morning I ran out of excuses. No computer to work on, most of other tasks done, house is empty with the exception of Max the cat.

Camera on tripod, trying to be the most me I can be, in a robe and slippers I started the most unusual photo session I ever did. 

Looking at the images, (at the ones I did not throw away) it is me that I see. Not just recognizing my body, but the gestures, the composition and light of the image. A multidimensional image of me that shows how I look, what I feel, how I express myself. Getting to know myself through the camera

Feet up

The light through the window

Imagine . . . Cuba

Imagine

Life without constant internet connection

Streets where children play soccer barefoot in the rain puddles

The national hobby is people watching

A place where streets might be dirty but the people wear crisp white shirts

Where you are surrounded by colors, music and fumes of old cars

Imagine ....Havana, Cuba

Barefoot soccer, Havana, Cuba

Flying kites. Havana, Cuba.

Cuba - first impressions

It's late in the afternoon. We land in Havana, Cuba after a sleepless night on the plane. We exchange money at the Cadeca and find our taxi. No seat belts, not even for the driver. Driver is nice and helpful and takes us to our room in a casa particular in Central Havana. I am dizzy from the sights and lack of sleep. While taking a quick shower it starts raining. Not much, not enough to keep me from going out with the camera (sleep??? now??? c'mon...)

I sincerely hope it's safe here. My parents would skin me alive were they to know I walk here alone. Once beautiful houses, crumbling. Street kind of paved, filled with puddles and islands of garbage. Children playing soccer in the street not bothered by the cars or bicycles. Shoes and shirts are optional. 

The sun sets, the lamps are lit, the rain stops. I feel I am on a movie set. A colorful fantasy set in a faraway country about 50 years ago. I walk the streets, careful not to go too far and get lost, stand on street corners and watch reflections and shadows. Click. Click, click. After an hour and a half, I'm back at the casa, otherwise husband will alert police...

We stay in Cuba seven days. That first evening, was the only time it rained. The images I captured that night are the ones I love the most. Sometimes, it does seem like you arrive when God is ready to have someone click the shutter ....

On our street in Havana central

Standing at the corner of the street, watching the shadows

Feeling on a movie set ...

Posing for me ....Crespo street, Centro Habana. December 2015

What equipment do you use??

On the quest to finding the look I strive for in the images, I find myself going in two opposite directions. Either really expensive vintage lens recreated for modern cameras (waiting for one ...), or the simplest possible lens. The plastic one. No autofocus, can't handle low light, the simplest of the simple. A Holga lens.

And funny enough, this a tremendous fun. Liberated from the need to hit the exact focus, with a built in vignette ( did I mention old, crappy lens??) ....and a softness to die for. 

Armed with my camera, I go out late afternoon to test run the lens. Its chilly, the wind blows my hair, and I keep shooting the lights and the shadow. And a gorgeous Pudel who happened to be with his owner at Starbucks.

"When people ask me what equipment I use - I tell them my eyes." So true. 

Selfie. The wind and me (or a really bad hair day:)

At Starbucks

The holidays. Santa Monica, December 2015

A sense of place: Angelino Heights, Los Angeles

"A sense of place" was my first photographic assignment.  It was not so much about learning the technicalities of the camera, but about learning to see and analyze, distill the essence of a place. I remember the teacher telling us to chose a place and go spend there time without the camera first. Feel it, journal about it, only then return with the camera at different times of the day. I still follow this advice whenever I can, but sometimes, this is not practical. 

In many of my trips, I have 10 - 15 minutes to see a place, feel it and try to get to its essence. yes, it can be frustrating, and yes I miss all the guide explanations but lately I started to just flow with my gut feeling and take snapshots. Bits and pieces of the place. Later, at my computer at home, the pieces are sequenced into flowing shapes and colors that tell the story of this place. 

This is Angelino Heights to me. An old, Victorian neighborhood, where time is etched in the architecture of the houses as well as the peeling wood.  Reminder of gentler, slower time, childhood movies and happy endings.

Blue and Yellow 

Purple, green and lace

Wrinkles

Stairs

Two weeks before Christmas

Another shade of purple

Lace and light

Desert mirage

Vast spaces,

clay floor shaped into geometric shapes by ruthless heat

all seems beige, yet filled with color

clouds of dust catch morning sunlight

people the size of ants presume to own it all

are we mad???

Moments before sunset, Death Valley 2015

Hexagons by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

The beige is full of colors. Death Valley 2015

Human ants. Death Valley 2015

Going forward, looking back

Working on a new series of images. What started like a very successful shooting day, leads to looking back over images I shot in the last year, seeing them with new eyes.

Amazing how images I previously ignored, are the ones I love the most. Previously a beautiful flower, nothing more - now, converting it to black and white I suddenly see the witch. The image definitely did not change. It is me who changed. Maybe this is what Ken Liu meant by ignoring the meaning and listening to the music, or in my case ignoring the subject and noticing the shape.

Stringing the images together into a new narrative. Looking into the best way to convey the motif of an allegory. New pastel colors waiting for a first attempt at hand-coloring images.

Who knows where this will bring me...

From the new series "Misthaven"

...another image from the new series. model: Larva. 

Hallows' Eve

As someone who loves photographing the night moods, Halloween is a rare treat for me. Having just finished a night photography project, letting imagination wander in the quiet streets of Santa Monica, I have now a chance to witness how "the veil separating the worlds" becomes transparent and this quiet and beautiful neighborhood  turns into a modern rendition of the underworld.

I walk around with the camera, taking in the mood and colors, peeking through the veils. Light shining through cobwebs turns into abstract images depicting the land of the ghosts. A world filled with mystery and magic.

It is this veil between the worlds I am looking for whenever I photograph. The spirit and the story hiding beyond what the eye can see. No better time for this than Hallows' Eve. My trick & treats.

Hallows' Eve in Santa Monica

Rest in pieces

The scream

Inspired by the lights, creating my own ghosts

Inspired by the best

How are ideas born? Where do they come from? What translates objects into new concepts?

A few weeks ago, I visited an inspiring exhibit at LACMA - Frank Gehry. To say his work is inspiring, is an understatement. The funny thing is that it is irrelevant whether I would like to live in such a house (I get a bit dizzy from looking at his buildings ...), or if his original inspirations (crumbled paper ..) sound exciting. His thought process and the way the concept was translated into glass and metal, triggered something in me.

How about showing these building is  different way. Near some of the building models, were videos showing the real buildings in their environment. In some cases the videos included interior shots. How about combining the models (physical manifestation of idea) with shots from the videos ( a virtual representation of reality)? 

I wonder what would Frank Gehry say of these. Thank you Mr. Gehry for being an inspiration. if you happen to be in Los Angeles - run and see it.

Disney Hall in LA - an integrative view 

Gehry's house in Santa Monica. Passed is several times on morning walks, not knowing it was his ...

Inside and out - Frank Gehry exhibit at LACMA. If you are in LA - run and see

Walking in the woods

3 days in the forest with the camera. I don't this I will ever get tired of photographing the woods. Thickets of trees, that allow only few rays of sun to penetrate, or trees that break your heart with their naked, desolate posture.

And if the gods of the forest smile at us, magical encounters might happen.

Ghost trees. Yosemite, September 2015. Amy Kanka Valadarsky photography

Look me in the eyes ...Yosemite, September 2015

Ripples of light

Playing with the camera. I do not want to capture the magnificence of the beach. It's the ripples of light, the salty air, the sound of the waves, the continuous movement that I am after.

Hundreds of images of the beach, and I am still looking for the right way to photograph it. Ironically, it is when I am starting to play and let it happen that some of the barriers break down. 

Movement and light 

Moving, standing still

Wings and waves

The forest is essential, the trees - incidental

I love trying new things, experimenting with what the camera can do. But every few months, I find myself returning to the initial love - Impressionism. I love how it captures the essence of things. The forest rather than the trees.

New ideas are born. Would I dare to print and hand-paint these? Something to explore now that I start making friends with my printer.... 

Golden grasses by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

Two women by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

The power to fly

Experimenting today with zone plate photography. No lenses. Ironic when sooo much money went into these fabulous lenses sitting on my shelf. But today, all I took with me to the ebach was the zone plate. Trying to figure out how the world looks via its concentric circles.

....and I love it. Looking at this set of 3 images, it brought back memories of my first photography project, and farther away memories of me as a little girl reading 'Peter Pan in Kensington gardens'. The baby Peter Pan who could fly, since he never doubted that he could. And ceased flying when he started to ask himself whether he will be able to do so without wings.

Looking at the images of the little girl 'flying' bring an unexpected wish. I wish I would not doubt whether I can fly, I wish I would just fly. 

3 hours on the beach. Soaked shoes and socks getting dry now in the sun. 3 images capturing one magnificent moment. I am flying !!!!!!!

Flying by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

The girl who doesn't doubt she can fly

What changed?

A summer day. The blue skies complement the light color of the sand. 

A flurry of activity, as a flock of sea gulls decides to move. Ideal world? For some. Every time I go to the beach, and I do this almost daily, my attention wanders more and more to so many unfortunate people for whom this is their bed for the night. Maybe for the week or the month, who knows.

I wonder how they see it. Do they notice the blue of the water and the sky? The reflections in the wet sand, or are they too busy thinking about the next meal? Careful to preserve their anonymity, I photograph. 

What changed the last year? how come  year ago I never noticed them and now I can not ignore the homeless?

Does he notice the blue sky? 

We are the fortunate ones

The joy of spontaneity

I usually take photography very seriously. A full frame camera, handpicked lens. Studying all I can about photographers, art and any other subject relevant to the project I am doing.  This is true .....most of the time :)

About a week ago, while in Germany, I thought I would take advantage of the recent fall in the value of the Euro and buy a lens. After testing a multi purpose (24-300mm) one, and deciding it is not good enough I started thinking about alternatives. The times when I need a telephoto or a wide are lens are few and far between. Mostly when we go on trips and we want to document the moment. If so, why to spend so much on (2) state of the art lens for the D750 when a super tele bridge camera might do the job for a fraction of the price? This is how I became the owner of a Fujifilm finepix S1, hence named 'Fufu' :)

While the images are not at the quality of the D750, Fufu comes with some unexpected benefits. It is so light, silent and its automatic mode works so well, that it made me regress to the age of 5, experimenting and having fun rather than being serious about the images I take.

Yesterday, in a very uncharacteristic rainy weather (rain in LA in July???), we drove to LACMA museum to listen to some Jazz and see a photography exhibit. My husband drives, while I sit next to him, and amuse myself with photographing on the go, through the rainy windows. Than, as Fufu is weather proof, I do not hesitate to step outside in the rain, and photograph a lone table and its reflection. A tiny bird aspiring for stardom landed under the chair - just in time.

At the photography exhibit, I saw for the first time an authentic photograph by Henri Cartier-Bresson. The one who coined the term 'the decisive moment'. The one who said the camera is an instrument of spontaneity. I never agreed with him more.

Under the table by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

A beautiful image by Henry Cartier-Bresson at LACMA

Driving on Wilshire blvd by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

My way

I may not know where I'm going, but I'm on my way....so true. 2 nights, photographing a surreal show, in a surreal place. Something there speaks to me. Makes me work with the images again and again. Try to find what is this place telling me.

The complex layers of life in a place doomed to be destroyed. Beauty found in the most unexpected places. The beauty of decay rather than the beauty of serene beaches. Beauty of art when it penetrates life rather then decorating it.

A shadow of its former self - by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

The audience - by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

Where Dante's visions come to life

I will confess I never read Dante's 'Divine Comedy'. I heard about it. Just like I never went to Tel Aviv's Central bus station, just read about the controversial mammoth station, mostly deserted, a symbol of the problematic south Tel Aviv area. As far away from a theater stage as hell is to heaven.

And this is precisely why, this garish place, full of winding corridors, tiny doors leading to nowhere and dark secrets was the perfect stage for Seven - the Mystorin theater's  interpretation of mystical texts through movement and dance.

And the camera does its magic again. Photographing the actors in this place makes me realize how locked I still am in photographing nice things in a nice way. While this will always be a facet of me, what else will I discover once I will allow myself to shout? 

Looking for a quote as an opening to this post, I found Dante's one: 

In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost.

Well, maybe in the middle of MY life, I am coming to myself withing the dark corridors of Tel Aviv Central bus station ....

Mystorin - mystery - an appropriate name for the theater company who created Seven

The kitchen from hell 

The opposite of theater stage - Central bus station, Tel Aviv

Imagined realities

I know the beach at Netanya for more than 40 years.

That's where I spent time as a young girl. 

Where I studied for high school exams. 

Where I had my first kiss....

It's the view my dad saw from his apartments' window until his last days. The building is still here. His body is not, but for me his spirit still looks at me when I am on this beach.

Now, before leaving, I went to say goodbye to the beach. With the camera. Trying to capture the present and the past. And who knows, I might have captured a glimpse of the future as well.

Self portrait, Netanya beach June 2015

Girls at play, Netanya beach June 2015

Who's this girl? Netanya beach, 2015

Musical shapes

April 21st, 2015.Our last night in Kadoyde, Japan. To celebrate the end of our stay, Kobayashi, our host prepares yet another surprise. A sky lantern. He holds the large paper lantern while someone lit the fire beneath it. 

For a few seconds, all seems well. Then slowly, the lantern catches fire, and its shape disappears while its spirit emerges.

This reminded me of  Constantin Brancusi, the Romanian sculptor and his view on capturing the essence of things.

"When you see a fish you don't think of its scales, do you? You think of its speed, its floating, flashing body seen through the water... If I made fins and eyes and scales, I would arrest its movement, give a pattern or shape of reality. I want just the flash of its spirit"

And if it's the essence of the fire dance we are after, there is no need to look further than de Falla's 'Ritual fire dance' who does it with sounds rather than images.

Fire dance #1, lighting the lantern

Fire dance #7, The end

and a colored version ...Fire dance #3 by Amy Kanka Valadarsky

Dialogues

Dancing as a dialogue.

Between black and white. Between body and mind. Between the dancer and the costume. Between the dancer and its reflection. Most of all, an opportunity to let the body speak. Without words.

Not a portfolio, not an occasional image. Rather, a short story. The story of one dancer who at the age of 17, a shy girl who disliked her body (and how many girls at this age love their looks?) met a dance teacher. A belly dancing teacher who changed her world. 

Now, years later, she is teaching women of all ages to free their bodies,  love them, love themselves.

Short stories. I like the idea of 'writing' short visual stories. Let's see where this will lead ...

Dialogues #2

Dialogues #3

Dialogues #4

Dialogues #5